While working on a musical piece that would reflect Puerto Rican heritage, composer Christian Quiñones said he wanted to do something "entirely different" that wouldn't make him feel boxed in by ideas of genre. So it occurred to him to ask his mother to write something that could be the inspiration for his composition.
She wrote him a meditation on becoming a mother that captured a mix of overwhelming love and newfound fear.
"It was her experience as a mother for the first time," Quiñones said. "I think that was really amazing for her, just coming so vulnerable to this, especially talking about motherhood... a universal topic and something that everyone can relate to — but at the same time, through the lenses of a Puerto Rican mother and her experience, which is unique."
Here's what his mother wrote:
I wasn't expecting you. But when I had you, it was love at first sight.
I felt your heart beating. In my heart, a new woman was born, sensible, fearful of all the dangers, wary, and protective. Between us, there is a dedication and a disinterested love, a pure feeling. There is nothing in this world compared to my love to you. You transformed my world.
Quiñones said the music he created based on his mother's meditation has an "anxious texture" that evolves and then dissipates. In a way, he said, it's his reaction to what his mother wrote.
The resulting piece is titled "What My Mother Wrote," and it premiered in Holyoke, Massachusetts, in 2019. You can watch a video of the performance by the Victory Players below.
The Victory Players
Tianhui Ng, Music Director
Nathan Ben-Yehuda, piano
Clare Monfredo, cello
Giovanni A. Perez, flute
Robert Rocheteau, percussion
Eric Schultz, clarinet
Elly Toyoda, violin
Quiñones studied music at the Conservatorio de Música de Puerto Rico. His music often explores cultural identity and incorporates electronic, rock, and Latin elements. He is currently a graduate student at the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign.
Watch an interview with Quiñones below, or read a transcript in English or Spanish.
Spanish language translation: Raquel Obregon
Spanish language editor: Elizabeth Román
Web production contributor: Heather Brandon
Interview with Christian Quiñones
Brian McCreath, GBH: The piece that you wrote was premiered in 2019. But I'm fascinated by something you wrote about the piece in which you say that the idea of a Puerto Rican composer is not a simple idea, and you sort of push against that. And that's a little bit of what led into the way that you composed this piece. So I'm just curious about a little bit more about that. What do you perceive about the label of "Puerto Rican composer" that doesn't sit entirely well with you?
Christian Quiñones: Yeah. I mean, especially with Puerto Rican music, we have such a rich history, musically speaking and there are many musical implications, too when you hear the word like Puerto Rican music. And to me, as a composer, I often work with those genres. I often work with salsa, with reggaeton and all of that, and I love that. But sometimes I feel like composers might feel a little bit boxed in. And to me, that was actually the first time that it happened when I got to compose this piece. Knowing what the project was about, I felt like I needed to maybe make something that reflected that musical heritage. But at the same time, I wanted to do something entirely different. And to me, that was the crux of the whole problem and why I decided to say, "you know what? I don't have to feel boxed in in this idea, even though I love the heritage of Puerto Rican music." And so that's why it occurred to me to basically make my mother the speaker of the piece and the main idea of the piece.
And so you asked your mother to write something. And as I understand it, if it's accurate, if I've perceived it accurately, you sort of just gave her an open request. Write something. And I wonder if you would read what it is she actually wrote for you.
Sure. I'm going to read the English translation.
I wasn't expecting you. But when I had you, it was love at first sight. I felt your heart beating. In my heart, a new woman was born, sensible, fearful of all the dangers, wary, and protective. Between us, there is a dedication and a disinterested love, a pure feeling. There is nothing in this world compared to my love to you. You transformed my world.
I read that, and as a parent myself, there was such a relation to it, but then you also express in your notes that these very personal, very intimate feelings also represent something about Puerto Rico. Can you explain that a little bit more for me?
Yeah, sure. As you mentioned, I gave her pretty much an open prompt about, you know, write anything that you would like. And she wrote about her experience as a mother. And actually, it is not talking about me, it's talking about my brother. I'm the youngest in my family. And so it was her experience as a mother for the first time. That almost fear that you have when you are being a mother for the first time. And I think that was really amazing for her just coming so vulnerable to this, especially talking about motherhood.
And to me, the most amazing thing about what she wrote is that it's actually talking about motherhood, a universal topic and something that everyone can relate to. But at the same time, through the lenses of a Puerto Rican mother and her experience, which is unique. To me, that was why even though it was an open prompt for her, I just was amazed about how well it worked with the project and what Tian was building over here. So, it was just one of those amazing coincidences.
And for you when you received this from your mother, I'm very curious to just know what your first reaction was upon reading this.
Yeah, it was again really refreshing because usually motherhood gets framed as this perfect experience, and it's just really complicated. Of course, I'm speaking from someone that I'm not a parent, so I still don't get that. And of course, motherhood, I will never get that experience. But I think there are a lot of preconceived notions about how the motherhood experience is, and it's really complex. There is a lot of fear involved. There is a lot of anxiousness about how you're going to perform as a parent figure. And I think it's just really refreshing, especially seeing my mother being that vulnerable with those feelings and expressing those feelings with us as her children.
And then you had the process of taking this into the musical realm. And so would you say that your music with this piece is an expression of what she wrote? Or is it more of a response from your perspective to what she wrote? Or is it a little bit of both maybe?
Those are really interesting questions. And what I was composing the piece, I had basically, almost like a fear of not knowing how to represent accurately when my mother wrote. And also, especially in a piece that deals with motherhood, how motherhood sounds and all of that. And I think the most important thing for me when I was composing the piece was channeling this idea of this dichotomy between something beautiful and this fear and the fear of letting go.
So the piece as a whole basically works [like this]. The first movement where you have this kind of anxious texture that just keeps evolving and then it lets go musically speaking. So in a way, I think it's more my reaction towards what my mother wrote because I don't know, I don't think I would be able to channel what her feeling was because, you know, I will never be a mother, right?
But then the second movement is really interesting to me. It's a beautiful movement, but then ends with this real punch. Tell me about that process, what that means in relation to the first movement, how are we being taken through that experience in that and your reaction to what your mother wrote?
Yeah, it's a big contrast when you come from the first movement to the second movement. I think the beautiful thing, it's again this idea of letting go. And if you hear the first movement, it ends with this almost static texture that does not go anywhere. And to me, that gets released on the second movement where you have this just gorgeous and crystalline texture going on in the ensemble. And then the idea of the really rhythmic ending of the piece, it's actually the heartbeat of a newborn, and the tempo of the piece, it's related to that. So it's again, this kind of fear creeping out of the ensemble and the excitement of being a parent. It's a piece that kind of explores those different ideas that are kind of layered in between parents.
Wow. You had me at heartbeat. That's fantastic. You have now referenced a number of times in our talk, fear as part of the experience because your mother wrote this, that's part of her experience. With El Puerto Rico, this project of MIFA and Tian, I wonder what the fear is that specifically relates to being a Puerto Rican parent. What is it that a parent fears more specifically from that culture than others may not relate to as much?
Yeah, and it's really hard to speak for them because I don't have their experience. But I think especially, you know, being Puerto Rican and being Latino, it's just a really different context, even within the Latino culture, our history and our social history specifically. It's really complex with our relationship with the United States. So there are so many issues going on. And in my case, being a Latino right now in the United States, it's a whole new experience. But for example, my parents, all of their lives, they have lived in Puerto Rico.
So I think it's just a really layered issue that deals with identity. It deals with the current situation, the political situation, the country, the economic situation, and I think one of the biggest fears that is pressing on everyone in Puerto Rico is the idea of leaving the country. That economic struggle of, should I stay here and be close to my family, be close to my friends, or should I leave the country and basically start again, a new life in another place? Most of the time, it's the United States. So there is, I think, this really intense feeling about leaving home and starting a new life, which is always pressing most of the households in Puerto Rico.
Your history with this particular project actually goes back a few years. And so you've gotten to know these players well and now you've been able to spend time with a lot of these other composers. I wonder if there are composers who you didn't know before and what kind of stimulation you've gotten from hearing these other composers music as the rehearsals and things have gone on with El Puerto Rico?
Yeah, it's really funny because even though most of the composers that have worked on this project are Puerto Rican, I don't think I knew any of them before. I "knew" them like, maybe I met them at a concert or something like that interacted with them, but I didn't know them personally. So this acts as a hub for Puerto Rican composers to get to know each other to talk about what we are doing. And that's a really powerful thing to have.
To have all of these composers who are spread throughout Europe and throughout the United States to be together in one place, making music and getting to know them. And seeing their whole idea of making music for El Puerto Rico, I think that's the most refreshing thing, and that's the stimulating thing to me as a composer, seeing how again, their experience as a composer is just so different. And the reaction to that idea, it's so different in how they decided to represent that musically, it's so different. It's amazing to see that plurality inside our own culture.
Entrevista con Christian Quiñones
Brian McCreath, GBH: La pieza que escribiste fue estrenada en 2019. Pero estoy fascinado por algo que tú escribiste sobre la pieza en la cual tú dices que la idea de un compositor puertorriqueño no es una idea simple, y casi estás en contra de eso. Y eso es un poco de lo que te llevó a la manera en que compusiste esta pieza. ¿Qué percibes sobre la etiqueta de “compositor puertorriqueño” que no te cae del todo bien?
Christian Quiñones: Sí, es decir, especialmente con música puertorriqueña, tenemos una historia tan rica, musicalmente hablando y hay muchas implicaciones musicales también como cuando escuchas la palabra música puertorriqueña. Y para mí, como compositor, a menudo trabajo con esos géneros. A menudo trabajo con salsa, con reggaetón y todo eso y me encanta. Pero algunas veces siento que los compositores podrían sentirse algo encerrados. Y a mí, esa fue en realidad la primera vez que me sucedió eso, cuando pude componer esta pieza. Sabiendo de qué se trataba el proyecto, sentí como que necesitaba tal vez, hacer algo que reflejara esa herencia musical. Pero a la misma vez, yo quería hacer algo completamente diferente. Y para mí, ese era el punto crucial de todo el problema y porque decidí decir, ¿sabes qué? No tengo que sentirme encerrado en esta idea aunque amo la herencia de la música puertorriqueña”. Así es que por eso se me ocurrió básicamente hacer a mi madre la oradora de la pieza y la idea principal de la pieza.
Y fue así que le pediste a tu madre que escribiera algo. Según tengo entendido, si es correcto, si lo he percibido con exactitud, tú de alguna manera le hiciste un pedido abierto. Escribe algo. Me pregunto si podrías leer lo que ella en verdad escribió para ti.
Seguro. Voy a leer la traducción en inglés.
Yo no te esperaba. Pero cuando te tuve, fue amor a primera vista. Sentí tu corazón latiendo. En mi corazón nació una mujer nueva. Sensata, temerosa de todos los peligros, cautelosa y protectora. Entre nosotros hay una dedicación y un amor desinteresado, un sentimiento puro. No hay nada en este mundo que se compare a mi amor por ti. Tú transformaste mi mundo.
Yo leí eso, y como padre que soy pude relacionarme a eso, pero luego también expresas en tus notas que estos sentimientos muy personales, muy íntimos también representan algo sobre Puerto Rico. ¿Puedes explicarme eso un poco más?
Sí, seguro. Como mencionaste le di a ella un aviso abierto de, tú sabes, escribe lo que quieras. Y escribió sobre su experiencia como madre. Y en realidad, no está hablando de mí, está hablando de mi hermano. Soy el más joven de la familia. Y esa fue su experiencia como madre por primera vez. Eso que casi es temor que se tiene cuando eres madre por primera vez. Creo que eso fue realmente increíble para ella, venir tan vulnerable a esto, especialmente hablando sobre maternidad. Y para mí, la cosa más increíble de lo que ella escribió, es que en realidad se está hablando sobre maternidad, un tema universal y algo con lo que todos pueden relacionarse. Pero al mismo tiempo, es a través de los lentes de una madre puertorriqueña y su experiencia, la cual es única. Para mí, fue por eso, que aunque fue una opción abierta para ella, estaba sorprendido de lo bien que funcionó con el proyecto y con lo que Tian estaba trabajando. Así que fue una de esas increíbles coincidencias.
Y para ti, cuando recibiste esto de tu madre, tengo mucha curiosidad por saber cuál fue tu primera reacción al leer todo esto.
Sí, fue realmente refrescante porque generalmente la maternidad se enmarca como una experiencia perfecta y es realmente complicada. Por supuesto, estoy hablando como alguien que no es padre, así que todavía no lo entiendo. Y por supuesto, de la maternidad, nunca tendré esa experiencia. Creo que hay muchas nociones preconcebidas sobre cómo es la experiencia maternal, y es realmente compleja. Hay mucho miedo involucrado. Hay mucha ansiedad sobre cómo vas a desempeñarte como figura paterna. Y pienso que es realmente refrescante, especialmente ver a mi madre ser tan vulnerable con esos sentimientos y expresar esos sentimientos con nosotros como sus hijos.
Y luego tenías el proceso de llevar esto al mundo musical. Entonces, ¿dirías que tu música con esta pieza, es una expresión de lo que ella escribió?, ¿o es más como una respuesta desde tu perspectiva a lo que ella escribió?, ¿o es un poco de ambos tal vez?
Esas son preguntas realmente interesantes. Cuando yo estaba componiendo la música, básicamente tenía como miedo a no saber representar exactamente lo que mi madre escribió. Además, especialmente en una pieza que trata con la maternidad, cómo suena la maternidad y todo eso. Y creo que la cosa más importante para mí, cuando estaba componiendo la pieza, fue canalizar la idea de esta dicotomía entre algo hermoso y este temor, el temor de dejarlo ir.
Así que la pieza en su totalidad básicamente funciona así. El primer movimiento tiene esta clase de textura ansiosa que continúa evolucionando y luego la deja ir, hablando musicalmente. En alguna forma, pienso que es más una reacción mía a lo que mi madre escribió, porque yo no sé, creo que no sería capaz de canalizar lo que ella sentía, tú sabes, yo nunca seré madre ¿cierto?
Pero luego, el segundo movimiento es muy interesante para mí. Es un movimiento hermoso, pero termina con un verdadero golpe. Háblame de ese proceso, lo qué significa en relación al primer movimiento, cómo nos llevas a través de esa experiencia y tu reacción a lo que tu madre escribió.
Sí, es un contraste grande cuando pasas del primer movimiento al segundo. Pienso que lo hermoso, una vez más, es la idea de dejarlo pasar. Y si escuchas el primer movimiento, termina con una textura casi estática que no va a ninguna parte. Para mí, eso se libera en el segundo movimiento, donde tienes esta textura hermosa y cristalina que se escucha en el conjunto. Luego la idea del final realmente rítmico de la pieza, es en realidad el latido de un recién nacido, el tiempo de la pieza se relaciona con eso. Es una pieza que explora esas diferentes ideas, que se encuentran en una especie de varias capas.
Vaya, me tenías con el corazón latiendo. Eso es fantástico. Te has referido varias veces en nuestra conversación, al miedo como parte de la experiencia porque tu madre escribió esto, eso es parte de su experiencia. Con El Puerto Rico, el proyecto de MIFA y Tian, me pregunto cuál es el miedo que específicamente se refiere a ser padre puertorriqueño. ¿Qué es lo que un padre teme más, específicamente de esa cultura, que otras no se relacionan tanto con eso?
Es realmente difícil hablar por ellos porque yo no tengo su experiencia. Pero creo que siendo puertorriqueño y Latino, es un contexto realmente diferente, aún dentro de la cultura Latina, nuestra historia y específicamente nuestra historia social. Nuestra relación con Estados Unidos es realmente compleja. Hay tantos problemas que están pasando. Y en mi caso, siendo un Latino ahora mismo en los Estados Unidos, es una experiencia completamente nueva. Por ejemplo, mis padres han vivido en Puerto Rico todas sus vidas. Pienso que esto es un problema muy estratificado que trata con la identidad. Trata con la situación actual, la situación política, el país, la situación económica y creo que uno de los mayores miedos que está presionando a todos en Puerto Rico es la idea de salir, del dejar el país. Esa lucha económica de ¿debo quedarme aquí y estar cerca a mi familia, cerca de mis amigos, o debo salir del país y básicamente empezar otra vez, una vida nueva en otro lugar? La mayoría de las veces es a Estados Unidos. Creo que hay un sentimiento realmente intenso de dejar la casa y empezar una vida nueva, lo cual está siempre presionando a la mayoría de los hogares de puerto rico.
Tu historia con este proyecto en particular, se remonta en realidad a unos años atrás. Es así como has llegado a conocer bien a estos artistas y ahora has logrado pasar tiempo con muchos otros compositores ¿ Me pregunto si hay compositores a quienes no conocías antes y qué tipo de estímulos has tenido al escuchar la música de estos compositores durante los ensayos y también con El Puerto Rico?
Es realmente gracioso porque, aunque la mayoría de los compositores que han trabajado en este proyecto son puertorriqueños, creo que no conocía a ninguno de ellos. Los “conocía” porque tal vez los conocí en un concierto o algo parecido o interactuando con ellos, pero no los conocía personalmente. Por lo tanto, esto funciona como un centro para compositores puertorriqueños para conocerse entre ellos y conversar sobre lo que están haciendo. Y eso es tener algo realmente poderoso. Tener todos estos compositores que están dispersos por toda Europa y Estados Unidos, juntos en un lugar, haciendo música y llegar a conocerlos. Y verlos con la idea de hacer música para El Puerto Rico, creo que es la cosa más refrescante y esa es la cosa estimulante para mí como compositor, ver cómo sus experiencias como compositores es tan diferente. Y la reacción a esa idea es tan diferente en cómo decidieron representar eso musicalmente, es tan diferente. Es sorprendente ver esa pluralidad dentro de nuestra propia cultura.
El Puerto Rico is a collaboration of the Massachusetts International Festival of the Arts (MIFA), New England Public Media and GBH Music, which originally published a version of this post.